BRIAN: I don't think we were properly introduced.

BARBARA: I'm Barbara Parker.

Why are you here, Barbara Parker?

You gave me your business card.

No, I mean, here in London.

Tell me all about yourself, hmm?

Oh, um...

I was born in Blackpool, and I came to London to be... someone.

Anyone in particular?

[American accent] "Are you tired?

Listless?

Run down?

Do you poop out at parties?

Are you unpoopular?

Then try Vitameatavegamin."

Goodness gracious me.

[Normal voice] Do you not know Lucille Ball?

What on earth has dear Lucille got to do with anything?

Wonderful legs, of course, but unfortunately, she was forced to make faces in order to pay the rent.

No.

You, you have something different.

You have star quality.

[Both chuckle] Would you like an egg?

No, thank you.

Um, are you the agent of all these famous people?

Many have sat where you are sitting at some point in their careers, and the others, I... pin up for inspiration.

So let's get cracking.

[Chuckles] We don't want the bloom to go off the rose, do we... Barbara?

Any relevant experience?

Me dad says I'm good at doing voices.

Well, we'll be sure to put that on your curriculum vitae.

"No experience at all."

Not unless you count being Miss Blackpool Belle.

Miss Blackpool Belle?

Well, now you're talking.

That is something I can work with.

Local beauty queen, our very own Cinderella.

I love it.

So can I give up me job at Lewis Peters?

Well, let's not do anything rash, Barbara.

Barbara--what did you say your name was?

-Parker.

-Barbara Parker.

Barbara is ever so slightly provincial, mm?

What do you think of Sophie?

-Do I know her?

-No, I mean, the name Sophie.

Now, how about Sophie Straw, huh?

It's modern, it's fresh, it's alliterative.

It's like Sandy Shaw.

Sophie Straw?

Sounds like a type of animal feed.

Precisely.

If even I, a happily married man deeply in love with his wife, ends up thinking about rolls in the hay with Sophie Straw, imagine what all the unhappily married men will feel like?

"Rolls in the hay"?

Well, figuratively speaking.

[Pouring] I'll be Sophie, I suppose, if you think it will help me get a job.

Wonderful news.

To that end, I'll ask Patsy, my wife, to go out shopping with you for a lovely gingham bikini.

Bikini?

It's coming on winter.

Yeah, you can wear it for your auditions so that everyone can see your lovely shape.

If I wanted to shimmy about in my swimmers, I could have stayed in Blackpool.

Are you telling me you actually want to act?

-Oh.

Well... -That's it.

Well, we'll send you out on some auditions, with words, and we'll call it a trial period.

A trial period, no bikinis.

Yet.

Ever.

[Laughs]